April 5, 2025
"Wish me luck", I was desperate. I didn't even realized what I wrote. Passed all of my exams, but burocracy is such a pain in the ass. My birthday was pretty nice, the most cloudy day in the month, but the cake was cool. Things have never worked, y'know all of the paperwork, public services, coexistence normatives, common sense stuff. It has alway been bad, but the weird part (for me), is that everyone always act like everything has worked since forever, they always say that normal is normal, but it really it isn't. Everything that is supposed to happen, it never happens. We live in a weird, weird world, and that's the norm.

March 7, 2025
Heavy, heavy test season around the corner. Just in the week of my birthday. Wish me luck. I expect to add two/three new movies reviews in my secret reviews page. Again, wish me luck.

March 2, 2025
It's been two days since I got my birth chart analyzed as an early birthday gift. It was so good, like everything fit perfectly with different aspects of my personality. I don't know why, but I keep seeing moths and insects at every corner of my house and even, I've caught ants walking in my skin. So I'm kind of paranoid whenever I feel my arms itching. I want to watch so many movies, but I feel like I don't have enough time.

February 26, 2025
I swear these are signs of the apocalypsis. I feel like, indeed, the world it's coming to an end and that we're happy about it. Nobody wants to keep paying taxes or live the consecuences of their mistakes. We're screwed.

February 25, 2025
Even tho, I have this weird (yeah, again) sensation that time is running out, let's say I let myself be happy.

February 24, 2025
Dude, I really been having really weird dreams lately. Yesterday I dreamed that my friend died and I was so sad, because he's young and all that stuff and when I told him that, he said he actually had a near-death experience that night. And today I dreamed that I was watching this really good movie and its name was something along the lines of "Dark Phoenix" (Phoenix like the city in Arizona, no the mythological creature) and had been released in 1997. I remember that it took place in a desert and that the protagonist was this cool guy with dark sunglasses and his group fighted against werewolves/cryptids in the desert. I swear it was like so interesting in my dream, like I was really hooked.

February 22, 2025
Weird things happening. I'm better, but I've been so sad this whole month. It's like I entered some kind of sadness dimension. Everything seemed more hopefull in January. Well, I guess that's how things are. I have so many movies to watch and review and I fear times is getting shorter. In March (just in my birthdate date, 18th) I have a shitone of pending exams. Will I survive that? I hope so. Things shouldn't feel so wrong and so right at the same time. I'm such a dreamer, that's dangerous. You shouldn't float in your own little world all day, that's impractical. But here I am. Let's say I'm waiting for a signal that things are really going to get better. Sometimes I have this strong presentiment that I'm going to get out of this country in just a couple of years and I going to get married so young. I don't know why. Meanwhile I'll try to find a way out of this sadness dimension.

February 12, 2025
I cried a lot. I hurt a lot. Today I dreamed that someone loved me, he had blonde, long hair like shoulder length and he loved me so much. But I also made a promise to myself: I don't know how nor when, but my life is going to be so great that this will become a bad memory. Just a bad memory. I'm going to have such a great life, that none of this will matter to me in the future. I'm destined to big, brilliant things. I'm going to be so happy, I promise.

February 6, 2025
These are sad days. I wish they weren't tho, I try not to feel this way, but the weight of my life is sometimes crushing.This is rotting me from the inside. When does it get better? Will it get better?

February 5, 2025
Very sad day. Won't elaborate.

February 4, 2025
In days like these I fucking hate the world. I try not to, but I give in. I hate the world, I feel like everywhere I go I will found myself not belonging, facing human misery. I could be on fucking Atlantis and I'd still feel the same way. There's no "exit door" to the misery. I really try not to think this way, but every moment I spend here proves me wrong. Is there really no way out?? I'm not asking for a fucking paradise, I'm just asking for a place to rest, to be in silence. No, I don't think I'm suicidal. I have thought of death a lot of times before and even ways to end my life, but I don't think I would act upon these thoughs, I just entertaing the idea. I hope it pass, I woke up in a bad mood, maybe tomorrow I won't hate the world. Maybe tomorrow I won't think so much of death. Sometimes, I wish my life felt like a movie.

February 1, 2025
What's wrong with me? My head has been hurting for two days and my left eye has turned red and the other one can't stop shaking. Maybe I need to sleep more, there's nothing a good nap can't solve. I like the number 19. You know, I always talk about how lonely I am and tecnically, I'm not alone at all: recently I've made a new friend from college plus two other friends I already have and I have my parents (mom, overall) and stuff, but I am the problem. I intrisically feel alone and I've felt this way since childhood (like before kindergarden), and that's because I don't connect to a deep level with people. But I have to do better, I can't always be stuck in this position of "I am mysanthropic, but I'm not", I have to do better.